I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
