I wish life had little blips of pornography
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
