why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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