return my video game
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
