So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
