I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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