in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
