I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
