rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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