Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
