i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is Oprah even human
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
