Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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