I think my fart just growled at me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
