my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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