i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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