For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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