he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
