I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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