operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
