is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
