In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
