she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
