That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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