Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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