they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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