the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
