I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
