how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
