Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
