I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
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