The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
