do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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