Plan B is the new Plan A
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
