After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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