I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I deserve this hangover.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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