Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
