I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
