So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
how drunk are you?
Several
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
