tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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