yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm really busy with my period
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