you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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