all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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