looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
