If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
