I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
