listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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