i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
