my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
