I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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