Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
