it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
