So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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