Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
