Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
