I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
