NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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