come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
