I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
