i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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