David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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