im having a threesome with these popsicles
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
