definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
