I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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