U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
