im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
