cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
